College Is Over

This is possibly the strangest feeling I've ever felt. There is a sense of completion and accomplishment that comes along with finalizing a college degree, but then there is a huge sense of terror. I, like so many college graduates, have absolutely no idea what I am going to be doing with my future. For most of us, this is a first.

 From the first start of kindergarten we have this entire "education" road in front of us. Each school year we yearn for summer vacation's arrival. We count down the days until we no longer have tests to study for and papers to write but can just enjoy the freedom of making memories with our friends. During grade school summer's meant doing what we've been waiting to do without anything standing in our way. We would jump up and down from excitement as the last bell rang and summer was finally here. But in the back of our minds we knew we would be back next year, we knew the routine.

Now the routine is over. There are no more papers, or tests for forever, if I so choose. Instead of getting excited about making memories with my friends, this summer will be spent searching for a job as my friends scatter across the world (literally). I keep asking myself, "where did the time go?"

I can still remember my first day of orientation. I remember looking out the window of the empty dorm room they put us in for the night and thinking, "there is no way I can do this." I didn't believe I would make friends on a campus with more than 40,000 students. I didn't believe I could find a niche or even pass a class. It wasn't a lack of self-confidence, for that I had, more, it was a lack of understanding. I had yet to understand how college really worked, how small campus would really feel, or even how classes weren't horrible. I had yet to understand that in these four year I would make the most incredible friends, I would strengthen my faith and trust in God, I would develop my own major for a topic a remain passionate about, I would graduate with High Honors and as the Outstanding Senior Award recipient. But with just one small foot in front of the other, I eventually did come to understand, and now it's over.

As cliche as it may be, the saying "every day nothing seems to change, but when we look back everything is different" sums up college completely. I came into college timid and doubtful. Throughout my time though I grew to dominate this university and truly leave my mark. I was a member of over 5 organizations and was on the board for two of them. I was a part of two honor societies and the Honor's College. I was a Resident Assistant. I consistently held two jobs. I held an almost perfect 4.0 GPA. I interned. I developed programs that made an impact. But beyond regurgitating my resume to you all, what I at school goes much beyond these titles. What I did was grow into a person who understood her place at university and the universities place in the world. My mind was greatly expanded and I truly feel like, for the first time, I know how to think. But so what?
"So what?" is the feeling I have now that I'm about to embark in the real world. All my accomplishments, all the things I have learned are great, but they aren't worth much in the real world.

When I was in High School I was so involved I consistently had the most pictures in the yearbook. I didn't think that was possible to do when I got to college, but I did it here too. You can't do that in the real world, and by that meaning, you can't be involved in a million different things and hang out with a great diverse group of people all the time. Instead you're confined to your work majority of the time. Yes, you can volunteer, you can get involved in your church or community, but again the majority of the time is spent at your job, so you better pick something you LOVE! Well this is my pickle that I thought college would determine.

I can remember when I was younger thinking that people who were in their twenties or college students had it all together. They knew exactly what they wanted to do and how they were going to do it and everything was perfect. Boy, could I have been further from the truth? Even though most of my friends know exactly what they are going to do, most are still just getting jobs that are segue before they actually find something they love. Then there are my other friends who are almost in the same boat as me, completely lost and don't want to make the wrong move.

While I was at university I created my own major titled "Media's Effects on Women". I'm a girl who is all about empowering women through teaching media literacy. My collegiate career has been dedicated to understanding the challenges women face worldwide and how to over come them. In conversation I'm never shy of calling out a sexist comment, or questioning why someone is calling themselves "fat". I love the conversations that follow and the awakening of gender inequality that is still amongst us. But do I love it enough to make it a career? Even if I did, how do I even begin? Am I even qualified enough? Sure, I've spent the last four years dedicated to learning about this from sociological, psychological, and media perspectives, but am I really worthy enough to be a face of it?

This list of questions may sound awfully self-critical and disparaging but I want to be honest with you and tell you what is really going through a college graduate's head. The truth is, for the first time in our lives, we don't know what is in store for us and if we are really capable of handling it. When you are in High School people always say that in college no one is there to hold your hand and help you get through. That's a lie. There is always a hand willing to help you, if you look for it. This statement however, should be re-written for the real world. In the real world you really do have to fend for yourself. Yes, there will be people along the way to help you, but you are going to have to decide things for yourself, so you better be up for that challenge. For some, this is an awesome revelation. For me, this is absolutely terrifying.

So I ask you to come with me. I'm not sure where this blog is going to head, because I don't really know where my life is heading, but I know that it will be an interesting ride. So comment or leave questions, and following me on Twitter and YouTube. I'm gathering all my strength in saying, "I'm excited to see where this journey God has placed me on is going to go!"